and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
