I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
