please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
