You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
