O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
