I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
