I'm so fucking centered right now
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
