The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
