Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
