So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
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When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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