I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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