Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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