I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize