Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
