Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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