My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
