Cold hands, warm shart.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Randomize
