So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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