Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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