What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
