i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
