i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
