You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
