dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I currently don't understand fingers.
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