Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
