So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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