Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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