then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
