I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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