so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
