Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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