He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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