he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize