come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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