Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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