How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
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