Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
