i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
