Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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