Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
