So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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