They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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