Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it glows. i had to have it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
