last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
