Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
