im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
