That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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