you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
