thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
