I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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