Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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