she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
