So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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