quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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