what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
