Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
