So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
