Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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