Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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