Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize