$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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