yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
